Tuesday, July 24, 2007
I have Schizophrenia. Thats what alot of doctors have told me. My work here on this page represents that for most perhaps. I can see it myself. I'm on medication. I guess i'll write here to bring awareness to the condition. Basically it's a mental illness that can include things like hallucinations and voices.
Some people would have seen the movie A Beautiful Mind with Russel Crowe. This could be used perhaps as something of what it is like. For myself it's like everything is garbled. I generally feel very sick all the time and it's hard to work and do even simple things. Creativity is something that doesn't come easily. I really don't know what to say about schizophrenia other than if the doctors are correct in there diagnoses of me that it can be very painful. Actually one doctor said the pain was all in my mind, as in i'm not in real pain so possibly it's not painful at all i'm just imagining it. Would I know when I was in pain?
How about that. I have a very poor memory now. Thats one thing i've noticed. Looking back at my life I wasn't very smart as alot of the decisions i've made have lead to my illness. It's a poor life for me now compared to what I had. Everyones reality is different. For one person the world is an awesome place to the other it's really bad. My life has degraded substantially. Most of my health problems can be traced back to marijuana and tobacco. I would say I had problems before that though that made the decisions for me to start smoking.
Skitzophrenia. It's a bad uncurable thing that affects many people. I haven't said much about it really. It does make life bad though. I hope you live the life of the dream yourselfs. I can never experience what could of been. I hope that I can live to the age of 72 which will be the year 2050 so I can still experience alot and have at least something to say for what happened. I still smoke cigarettes so my lifespan is proberly only another 20 years though. I hope my imaginary suffering goes away oneday. I could be imagining anything.